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“If I had known the world was ending, I would’ve brought better food”. Give me garum…

Length: 4 mins

OK, I confess to a teenage crush on the leather clad Suzie Quatro in the ‘70s. This is her running through “Can The Can” nearly 50 years later…

I was reminded of the track when I came across a graphic from the Can The Can restaurant in Lisbon whilst checking some links for garum; both their name and their imagery leading me inexorably back to my hormonal years (uh, yeah, sorry about that particular image, now polluting your brain-pan)…

Selo de Mar

They have for sale (this is their shop link but they prefer email if you’re outside Portugal as postage costs are fucked post-Brexit) a range of garums that look rather tempting…

Can The Can garums

…whilst their work-force looks just like the latest Hoxton hipsters incarnate…

Portuguese workers

…or a shot from an Almodóvar film…

Drying fish

I’m reminded of a line in “S.T.P.: A Journey Through America With The Rolling Stones” by Robert Greenfield, where one of the 1972 Stones’ tour backing crew — maybe Bobby Keys, or maybe simply a roadie, I can’t recall the name — goes to see the travelling team doctor about a suspect ‘lump’ on his penis, found after a recent sexual episode with someone who wasn’t his wife. The doctor inspects it, says it’s nothing to worry about, simply a “dry ulcerated lesion”, which phrase is then repeated back by the crew member and it’s obvious that the utterer really isn’t sure what he’s hearing from the doctor. I’m the same with “swordfish spinal jelly”. The Can The Can team have an item on their menu called just this. All the words make sense. Just not in that particular order…

Swordfish spinal jelly is the synovial fluid, which is found inside the spine and allows the movement of the vertebral discs of the fish. When fresh, the raw jelly tastes like fresh sea water. It’s incredibly refreshing.

Swordfish spinal jelly

There’s a care and attention to detail and ‘waste nothing’ mantra that’s very reminiscent of the work by Josh Niland.

So, remember —  just as this title’s piece recommends — and following the example of these guys (of course, it’s only guys eating) in this Roman dining scene, remember to always eat the best. You never know when a stray Putin missile isn’t about to really fuck up your day.

Unswept floor mosaic in Chateau de Boudry

And just a reminder that Garum was the very, very expensive condiment made from the fermented blood and innards of fish and, being a condiment, it was something which was added to food after cooking — much as we’d use soy or tomato ketchup — so it was the diner who used it, not the cook. Whilst Liquamen is a less costly sauce made by fermenting the whole fish, pretty much exactly the same as modern day Asian fish sauces, such as nam pla and nuoc nam. So, we pedants should use liquamen for all the modern-day garums. But of course, we’ll all forget and go back to saying “garum”.

(This recipe came from a long deceased site called Romano Britain; my thanks to whoever it was who first put this up about 10 years ago, although it was actually a lot older than that, originally coming via Apicius De re culinaria back around the year 1 CE…)

Can The Can chef

Recipe for Garum

Use a collection of oily, fatty fish like those from the list below:

  • Mackerel
  • Sardines
  • Herrings
  • Pilchard

Ingredients

  • 2lbs Fish, prederably a fatty fish, for example, sardines or best, mackerel
  • Dried, aromatic herbs possessing a strong flavor, such as:
    • dill
    • coriander
    • fennel
    • celery
    • mint
    • oregano
  • 3½ oz capers
  • 1 clove garlic, finely chopped
  • 1 tsp grainy mustard
  • 1 tblsp fresh parsley, finely chopped
  • 1 tblsp fresh marjoram, finely chopped
  • 1 tblsp fresh rosemary, finely chopped
  • 1 tblsp fresh thyme, finely chopped
  • 1 tsp white pepper
  • ¼ cup olive oil
  • Salt, a lot of it

Preparation

  • Begin with a well-sealed (pitched) container (heavy crock with a lid) with a 26-35 quart capacity.
  • Add dried, aromatic herbs possessing a strong flavor, such as dill, coriander, fennel, celery, mint, oregano, and others, making a layer on the bottom of the container.
  • Next put down a layer of fish (if small, leave them whole, if large, use pieces).
  • Next, add a layer of salt two fingers deep.
  • Repeat these layers until the container is filled.
  • Let it rest for seven days in the sun — yes, outside, that’s why you want a good lid on the container or your garum factory will become a kitty snack bar.
  • Then mix the contents daily for 20 days. After that, it becomes a liquid.
  • Now start straining. First use a coarse strainer or colander to remove all the larger bits and pieces, then strain the liquid several times through a kitchen cloth until the liquid is a clear amber color.
  • Place in a sterilized, covered bottle in the fridge.
DISCLAIMER: Use this own — brewed by the CanTheCan team at Tróia — at your own risk. It shouldn’t kill you but…
Producing sardine garum
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