Austere times call for a diet of long pig? Eat the rich…

The late, great, A A Gill believed that the prohibitions against eating pork were put in place not because they’re, you know, just religious morons but because, once cooked, pig & human are indistinguishable, one from the other, when put on your plate. I’m sure he’s probably right…

And now, thanks to James Cole, an archaeologist from the University of Brighton, we are now all much better prepared to survive after the zombie apocalypse strikes or, more likely, after the mushroom clouds start blossoming overhead as The Blond Stains — here and in the USA — and the Brexit fire-starter crowd crowd, decide to nuke their supposed “enemies”.

© NY Times 2017

If you survive, you’ll need to know which parts of your fellow humans are the most efficient when eaten (hot or cold) in giving you the energy you’ll need to survive in the cold, ash-strewn wastelands of your nuclear winter homeland.

As well as this informative diagram, the good doctor also gave some further assistance on choosing the best parts of the body to chomp upon, in case you’re fighting with a loved one or friend over who gets what…

Dr. Cole found that human thighs come in at a beefy 13,350 calories, while the calves are about 4,490 calories. The upper arms are around 7,450 calories, and the forearms about 1,660 calories. Within the chest cavity beats a heart that is about 650 calories. There are also the lungs, which come in around 1,600 calories, and below them the liver sits at around 2,570 calories. The kidneys total about 380 calories together.

Long pig. Mmmmmmmmmm. Get used to it.

About Salute The Pig

Charcuterie, smoking, curing, brining and all things porcine. Brought to you from deepest, darkest Cambs, England by Chris Bulow. In the smoker or in the kitchen.... Salutate porcum!
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